Dick: (Noun) person of male representation who believes himself and his brethren to not only be God's gift to women, but that all women should be eternally grateful to this fact. And if they aren't, well then screw them hoe's bruh!
You know the Dick. We ALL know at least ONE dick. He's that semi-cute but not really guy who likes to pretend he's hot guy at the house party making crass jokes about panty-droppers and roofies. He's the guy who calls a girl a bitch for sticking up for herself or stating an opinion that doesn't fit into his too-dumb-to-figure-out-that-I-think-sex = winning-a-game female stereotype. He's the guy you just wish a gargoyle or a sky lamp or some other sign from God that men like this just shouldn't exist would fall on his head and erase his kind from the earth forever.
I know this Dick. I HATE this Dick. And sadly, I get the impression that I am working with two little Dicks-in-Training. How may I know this you might ask? Is it the crude statement of "Let's play pin the penis on the whore!" Shouts from the back of the car?" Is it the way they casually make comments about how beating wives is normal? Or could it be that their general term for women is bitch?
I was worried that this behavior and these notions--especially the one about hitting your wife--or any other female--or anyone for that matter--were the direct result of some misconstrued TV show message. But then, during a hissy fit by the youngest, I heard the Dad turn around to his son and snap, "X, stop being such a little bitch!"
Two things wrong with this statement: 1.Name calling is wrong Dad, and definitely shouldn't be used as a form of discipline. 2. If he connects women with bitches and bitches as weak people who cry, guess what? Weak people who cry and happen to be women are bitches! All women are bitches! Including, apparently yours truly. (I know because he told me once).
So now it's the Dad's fault, I think. He portrays sexist isms in his home, then he is raising sexist boys. Until later in the week when I hear the older one rattle off lyrics to Katy Perry's TGIF. Now,
it has come to my attention that we, women are in the midst of a new Feminist movement. We are not the suffragettes of the twenties, fighting for that noble cause to vote. We are not the strong rebels of the sixties, nor are we the mouthy, witty musicians of the nineties. The feminists of today are stiletto wearing, sex-having, free spirits who equate strength with sexual prowess. Now I'm all for a woman making her own decisions and doing her own thing, but sometimes, in this great land of ours that we call America, I wonder if there isn't a fundamental flaw.
Oh who am I kidding? There are a ton of flaws. But I'm just picking on one. Modern-Day Feminists. Or should I say, Modern-Day women who piggyback on real feminists. All the "Strong" women portrayed today, especially young ones are usually musicians or actresses or some other sort of celebrities, or so I feel, and some or more of their lyrics are less than lady like. And the end result is a fast-talking, flashy woman that little girls look up to and strive to become and boys icon-ize as the prototype woman (who is not the mother or the sister.)
Boys are caught between a double edge though. Not only do they have other male sources (i.e. their father) enforcing the modern day female, enforcement also occurs through little things like observing how women are treated on TV (a great example is how women are portrayed in Two and a half Men by Charlie Sheen's character), they hear it on the radio, "I'm running through these hos like drano" (LMFAO), but what's worse, they get it now from women too.
While going on there's a push for women's rights and equality, and a higher level of respect, there's Katy Perry out there singing about having too much to drink, having a one-night stand, and it being a typical Friday night. It's like fighting two simultaneous sword fights with both hands, only one hand is attacking yourself.
It kills me that these two, good hearted, sweet boys are on the fast track to becoming the Dick. But it's hard to try and make a difference when everything else around you says that YOU are in the wrong.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
Not Just Another Nanny
When lay people might think of nannies, they might think also of Governesses, Mary Poppins, Glorified baby-sitters or any other number of things. Mainly, what people think, and what people should think, is this: Caretaker of Children. Unsettling enough, though, there has been a rising trend in the downplay of this notion.
Now people don't just want "nannies" they want someone who can "occasionally" clean the bathrooms, or "every once in a while" cook a dinner for four. But instead of "occasionally", read; every week, or instead of "every once in a while", read, every night. People who hire nannies no longer want nannies, they want housewives.
I consider myself to be a very progressive liberal and feminists, but something just isn't quite right when one woman (and yes, I realize I do have a tendency to blame only 1/2 of the facet problem) deems herself above doing things that she would never consider doing herself, but obviously need doing. For instance, wanting toys put away in a certain order, in a certain shelf, in a certain closet but never doing it herself over the weekend. Wanting all the floors in the house to be swept and mopped every single day (true experience) but never doing it herself over the weekend. Making requests for dinner without ever having cooked it herslef.
Let's face it: Housework is not a glamorous job and most people think it's demeaning, not to mention easy, which it's not. I think the main thing people fail to realize about the house and kids and the whole shebang is that they don't and cannot take care of themselves fully and responsibly until they are about fourteen (this includes cooking on oven) and even then by that point you've seen them do so many downright stupid things you wonder if you can ever trust them around open flame again. But children need round the clock, daily care 24/7, and that in and of itself is a full time job. Just ask any new time mom.
New time parents love their children so much that they are blissfully ignorant that the job of taking care of their precious little angel, is, in fact, just a job to many. So maybe this--and the fact that domestic work is severely under appreciated and recognized in our society--is why so many mothers don't think it's any big deal to ask a woman to not only take over motherly duties periodically during the week but to also throw in those other housewife duties. After all, we are in a Sisterhood right? Why shouldn't one woman want to help another woman in the race to promote all woman kind?
The sad truth of the matter is that while one woman is progressing her career thanks to the full-time motherly duties relieved of her by her help, that woman in turn is sacrificing her life for a child and a responsibility that isn't even hers.
Think about it. How many listings have you, as a nanny, seen as advertised, "long term applicants only" or, "looking for at least a 2 year commitment." I saw one posting that wanted a girl for 2-4(FOUR!!!!) years! That's somebody's college education! It's one thing to make a year-long commitment to a family. It's important for the child to have stable figures in his/her life (hmm, now, that couldn't possibly be the parents now could it) But to ask someone to stay beyond that, I think, is not only shirking your responsibility as a parent, it's being selfish, insensitive, and turns a blind eye to the infringement of the advancement of somebody else life.
Now people don't just want "nannies" they want someone who can "occasionally" clean the bathrooms, or "every once in a while" cook a dinner for four. But instead of "occasionally", read; every week, or instead of "every once in a while", read, every night. People who hire nannies no longer want nannies, they want housewives.
I consider myself to be a very progressive liberal and feminists, but something just isn't quite right when one woman (and yes, I realize I do have a tendency to blame only 1/2 of the facet problem) deems herself above doing things that she would never consider doing herself, but obviously need doing. For instance, wanting toys put away in a certain order, in a certain shelf, in a certain closet but never doing it herself over the weekend. Wanting all the floors in the house to be swept and mopped every single day (true experience) but never doing it herself over the weekend. Making requests for dinner without ever having cooked it herslef.
Let's face it: Housework is not a glamorous job and most people think it's demeaning, not to mention easy, which it's not. I think the main thing people fail to realize about the house and kids and the whole shebang is that they don't and cannot take care of themselves fully and responsibly until they are about fourteen (this includes cooking on oven) and even then by that point you've seen them do so many downright stupid things you wonder if you can ever trust them around open flame again. But children need round the clock, daily care 24/7, and that in and of itself is a full time job. Just ask any new time mom.
New time parents love their children so much that they are blissfully ignorant that the job of taking care of their precious little angel, is, in fact, just a job to many. So maybe this--and the fact that domestic work is severely under appreciated and recognized in our society--is why so many mothers don't think it's any big deal to ask a woman to not only take over motherly duties periodically during the week but to also throw in those other housewife duties. After all, we are in a Sisterhood right? Why shouldn't one woman want to help another woman in the race to promote all woman kind?
The sad truth of the matter is that while one woman is progressing her career thanks to the full-time motherly duties relieved of her by her help, that woman in turn is sacrificing her life for a child and a responsibility that isn't even hers.
Think about it. How many listings have you, as a nanny, seen as advertised, "long term applicants only" or, "looking for at least a 2 year commitment." I saw one posting that wanted a girl for 2-4(FOUR!!!!) years! That's somebody's college education! It's one thing to make a year-long commitment to a family. It's important for the child to have stable figures in his/her life (hmm, now, that couldn't possibly be the parents now could it) But to ask someone to stay beyond that, I think, is not only shirking your responsibility as a parent, it's being selfish, insensitive, and turns a blind eye to the infringement of the advancement of somebody else life.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Fell EE tio and the Sexualization of Little Boys.
In college, as a SOAN major, I read my fair share of the sexualization of women and in particular little girls, but I never believed that the same happened with little boys until the other day when the older son asked me, as we were sitting in the car, what "fell EE tio" was. I said, "WHAT?" Thinking I must have heard wrong, until he told me that some guys at school had told him it meant threesome in Spanish. Only then did I realize that fell E tio was actually fellatio.
Oh God!
I told him it was something that nobody ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER did. EVER. I was so freaked out I couldn't think of anything else to say. This kid isn't even twelve yet and he already knows about threesomes. And a whole host of other sexually explicit things that I most certainly did NOT know when I was his age. And at the risk of sounding like a fuddy-duddy, what are parents teaching their kids these days? He interrogated me for several minutes, pressing me to tell him what it really meant, and then when we got home he just went to his personal Mac laptop and looked it up on Google and then came back and told me what it was.
Sex Ed.pre-pubescent style.
I've never heard him say anything sexist, although, every time he sees a woman of color in shorts he does think she's a prostitute, but the Googling thing did get me to thinking: If little girls are dressing and acting as women younger and younger, isn't it logical that little boys are getting their questions answered, as well as prompted by all the stuff bombarded by them on the internet? I know both kids have seen playboy magazines, they know what the Playboy mansion is, they just...know.
I guess what really freaks me out is the fact that he seems so sexual so young. A few weeks ago he told me that his greatest desire in life is to see a girl go jogging without her shirt on.Is he physically able to appreciate this as a sexually developed human is? Or is he just reacting to all the extra-sensory direction in his life (his vast and hardly limited access to the internet, school, the media...) that tells him this is what this is, and this is how you--a boy--responds to it? I'm prone to thinking it's the latter, which is sad, because an early, in-adept, immature and crude education on sex is what breeds sexist and demeaning behaviors in our society. And now I'm seeing it in action.
Oh God!
I told him it was something that nobody ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER did. EVER. I was so freaked out I couldn't think of anything else to say. This kid isn't even twelve yet and he already knows about threesomes. And a whole host of other sexually explicit things that I most certainly did NOT know when I was his age. And at the risk of sounding like a fuddy-duddy, what are parents teaching their kids these days? He interrogated me for several minutes, pressing me to tell him what it really meant, and then when we got home he just went to his personal Mac laptop and looked it up on Google and then came back and told me what it was.
Sex Ed.pre-pubescent style.
I've never heard him say anything sexist, although, every time he sees a woman of color in shorts he does think she's a prostitute, but the Googling thing did get me to thinking: If little girls are dressing and acting as women younger and younger, isn't it logical that little boys are getting their questions answered, as well as prompted by all the stuff bombarded by them on the internet? I know both kids have seen playboy magazines, they know what the Playboy mansion is, they just...know.
I guess what really freaks me out is the fact that he seems so sexual so young. A few weeks ago he told me that his greatest desire in life is to see a girl go jogging without her shirt on.Is he physically able to appreciate this as a sexually developed human is? Or is he just reacting to all the extra-sensory direction in his life (his vast and hardly limited access to the internet, school, the media...) that tells him this is what this is, and this is how you--a boy--responds to it? I'm prone to thinking it's the latter, which is sad, because an early, in-adept, immature and crude education on sex is what breeds sexist and demeaning behaviors in our society. And now I'm seeing it in action.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Bad Ass Nanny
I, Mission Imp (not my real name for obvious reasons) put the Bad, in bad ass nanny. Literally, I haven't felt the love from a lot of parents. But all kids love me! I started this blog just because I needed somewhere to vent, and I wanted some feedback. Do other nannies experience the same problems as me? Feel the same way I do? Or is this just a me thing, cause I gotta be honest, I'm feeling kind of alone. And just to clarify; it's normally not issues with the children I have, it's issues with the parents. I've seen some other nanny sites and blogs but it all seems geared towards the parents! "My nanny is so bad! I expect to come home to a clean home and happy children yadda yadda yadda!" I feel like parents have unreasonably high expectations of their nannies and their children.
But before I go any further, I feel I should explain some things about myself: I haven't been a nanny for that long, but I've been working with children since I was 14, almost ten years now, in a variety of settings from camp counselor, to tutoring, to Montessori classroom assistant, so I have a lot of experience with children. I am black, (I really don't prefer the term African-American because I'm not from Africa), and currently going natural, but that's besides the point, I have a B.A. in Sociology and Anthropology and I am currently looking to get my Master's in counseling or rehabilitation psychology starting 2012. Wish me luck!
I work mainly as a nanny/with kids because I'm good at it, and I love children. But I do NOT want to make taking care of someone else' children my life. Crude and sad I know, but that's kind of how I look at it.
The family I work for currently have two older boys and a dog (huge plus because I love animals), the Mom works, and the Dad works but is home for pretty much the whole time I am there.
The Family I worked for before that, both parents worked full time, I worked a 50 hour work week for two great, small kids, and a dog, and I got paid about $9.50 an hour. More on that family later.
The issue I am having right now is not feeling adequate. I'm good with kids, and kids are good with me. But I'm a really laid back kind of girl, and things like wrestling and subsequent tears (hey, you shouldn't have tried to fight someone bigger and stronger than you, i.e. your big brother), lots of screaming and yelling, (you're a kid, you have lots of energy, I can dig it ), the occasional (or in this case, daily) temper tantrums just don't bother me. But they bother the Dad. Who rushes in to the rescue every single time. Yells at the older son, comforts the younger son...then gives me this look like, "Why didn't you do this?" I would have, if you hadn't been here, obviously basking in your role as the savior, so why would I? Why should I take the lead, if, before I even have the chance to open my mouth to snap "Cut it out!" you're rushing in on your white horse? And you like it?
Feedback would be appreciated. As Perplexed is now my middle name.
But before I go any further, I feel I should explain some things about myself: I haven't been a nanny for that long, but I've been working with children since I was 14, almost ten years now, in a variety of settings from camp counselor, to tutoring, to Montessori classroom assistant, so I have a lot of experience with children. I am black, (I really don't prefer the term African-American because I'm not from Africa), and currently going natural, but that's besides the point, I have a B.A. in Sociology and Anthropology and I am currently looking to get my Master's in counseling or rehabilitation psychology starting 2012. Wish me luck!
I work mainly as a nanny/with kids because I'm good at it, and I love children. But I do NOT want to make taking care of someone else' children my life. Crude and sad I know, but that's kind of how I look at it.
The family I work for currently have two older boys and a dog (huge plus because I love animals), the Mom works, and the Dad works but is home for pretty much the whole time I am there.
The Family I worked for before that, both parents worked full time, I worked a 50 hour work week for two great, small kids, and a dog, and I got paid about $9.50 an hour. More on that family later.
The issue I am having right now is not feeling adequate. I'm good with kids, and kids are good with me. But I'm a really laid back kind of girl, and things like wrestling and subsequent tears (hey, you shouldn't have tried to fight someone bigger and stronger than you, i.e. your big brother), lots of screaming and yelling, (you're a kid, you have lots of energy, I can dig it ), the occasional (or in this case, daily) temper tantrums just don't bother me. But they bother the Dad. Who rushes in to the rescue every single time. Yells at the older son, comforts the younger son...then gives me this look like, "Why didn't you do this?" I would have, if you hadn't been here, obviously basking in your role as the savior, so why would I? Why should I take the lead, if, before I even have the chance to open my mouth to snap "Cut it out!" you're rushing in on your white horse? And you like it?
Feedback would be appreciated. As Perplexed is now my middle name.
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